The Mutants Court
by Andy and Kevin French
Summary: A Parody of, The Peoples Court Case One: Kurt and Rogue vs. Mystique for back child support!


A/N: Hey, Alice here. Thanks to everyone who reviewed my First Solo flight- 'Mirror' and 'I am NOT Blob', the fic that I have decided is my love child, with a fantab ending by Stevie! I go back to school in six days.** cries** But I am producing fiction, and I promise that I will neglect my schooling to bring you quality Evo Fan fiction! This was inspired by The People Court.Enjoy ^_^  
  
"The Mutants Court" by Stevie and Alice Storm (and Catman)  
  
The Plaintiffs, Rogue Darkholme and Kurt Wagner their suing for back child support from their estranged mother Mystique a.k.a. Raven Darkholme, Rogue claims her dead-end mother left her and her caretaker with little to live on forcing her foster mother Irene to open a psychic hotline. Kurt on the other hand has a totally different situation, he claims that she just through him into the river he was rescued by a poor German family and year later she just contacted him. Both are also suing for psychiatrist bills for the emotional trauma their mother caused them.  
  
The Defendant, Mystique claims that she 'accidentally' threw Kurt into that river and didn't find him until years later. She also maintains that once you drop that baby the cost is off your back. And as for Rogue, she maintains that she did some money towards Irene and Rogue but she couldn't make yearly payments because of her extensive espionage work they would often take her out of town for years on end. She is counter suing for hospital bills, that she claims her two children inflicted on her.  
  
Judge Hank McCoy presides.  
  
"Ahem, alright I understand you Miss Darkholme-" Hank looked to Rogue "And you Mr. Wagner-" Hank looked to Kurt who played with the microphone "Are suing your mother for back child support and psychiatrist bills for the emotional trauma she inflicted on you two".  
  
"And you-err Mystique are counter suing for medical bills from the injuries these two inflicted on you as X-men" Hank looked at Mystique who also played with her microphone.  
  
"Rogue would you like to begin?" asked Hank resting his head in his hands and starring at the goth.  
  
"Ahem, Thank you your Honor" Rogue straightened the papers in her hands "Ah was adopted by Mystique when Ah was 4 years old mah own mother had abandoned me, and mah father wanted nothing to do with me. So, upon adopting me she left to the care of her 'friend' Irene. I haven't received a dime of child support by Mystique.".  
  
"I see" Hank said stroking his furry chin and eyeing Rogue with a intensive look. "Okay then, Mr. Wagner your turn".  
  
Kurt giggled, as he pulled off the black foam of the mic. and tugged at it his pale yellow eyes moved onto Hank "Oh Yes you Majesty. Vhen I was born, I was blue and furry and I look very much like a demon. This would be no problem for me except for the fact I come from a very religious place. When my mother saw she was blue, the villagers chased her out of town and to safe her scales she tossed me into the river-"  
  
"I dropped you" Mystique shouted "Gently".  
  
"In a raging river?" asked Kurt squinting at her.  
  
"Wait your turn Mystique" Hank said sternly, "Continue Mr. Wagner".  
  
"Yes your Beatiful-ness" replied Kurt showing his fangs in a toothy smile "As I was saying, after she dropped me into the river making no attempt to save me, I drifted along in the river until a poor German family found me and rescued me. Well 15 years later, I was recruited to join the X-men and when I came to Bayville I had a dream Rogue zapped me.yadda yadda.Mystique tried to recon ciliate.and yeah she owes me money".  
  
Rogue elbowed Kurt harshly.  
  
Logan, the bailiff chuckled.  
  
"So.because of this obvious trauma of being abandoned we sought out mental help" Rogue finished.  
  
"How much were the sessions Miss. Darkholme?" asked Hank.  
  
"110 dollars an hour, each" Rogue replied with a nod.  
  
"Alright, Mystique it would be-" Hank turned and looked to Mystique who had now taken the form of Logan.  
  
Hank gapped at her, "Mystique.would you kindly.erm.take your regular form?".  
  
Logan glared at the imposter, thumping his nightstick against his hand threateningly.  
  
Mystique returned to her normal form, "Well your no fun".  
  
"Please Mystique would you kindly.erm.testify?" Hank asked rubbing his temples sorely.  
  
"Glady" Mystique grinned, "When I was the tender age of 17 I married-"  
  
"17?" snickered Rogue and Kurt.  
  
"Yes 17" growled Mystique, "I married Count Wagner, a man that I dearly dearly loved that just happened to be rich well anyways. I gave birth to my darling son Kurt-ums who just happened to be blue and furry. The Villagers- why I don't know he's soooo adoable-thought he was an evil demon so I made a brave and unselfish attempt to save his life but ACCIDENTLY dropped my baby into the river.which was calm.in a basket filled with money.so to my knowledge his greedy German mama took the money and pretended to be poor" Mystique smiled sweetly "As for Rogue, well even she'll tell you I loved her to bits. I bought her tons of presents, and I paid for as much as her care as I possible could. But I have to leave.to help stop world hunger.her in the care of my "friend" Irene who was a great caretaker.cause she learned it from me who loves children and puppies. Especially fluffy ones but not limited too. So I-quite hesistantly-left my baby girl to go help save orphans-"  
  
"Ya said It was world hunger!" exclaimed Rogue.  
  
"It was both" Mystique said stiffly, "Anyways, years and years later I went back to Irene and tried to make an attempt to get back into my daughters life. Of course, she had no idea I was her legal mother, so I let her join a lovely little team called the Brotherhood of Fluffy and Good Mutants. And she left, to join those god awful X-men. And whenever I went around there to give her the little paycheck I had I was shot at.".  
  
"Oh your are such a -beep-liar" screeched Rogue, running at Mystique with an ungloved hand extended.  
  
"Bailiff" Hank said quickly.  
  
Logan pounced on Rogue, and extended his claws out and inch away from her throat.  
  
"No Bailiff" Hank said standing up, "No need for that, Rogue would you please refrain from any psychical contact?".  
  
"Can he put those away" whimpered Rogue as Logan licked his teeth.  
  
Logan coughed climbing off her and retracting his claws "It's just my.yeah.".  
  
Logan ran back to his spot, and shyly turned from the camera.  
  
Kurt tugged at the microphone, "Come off I'm taking you home" he grunted.  
  
Hank cleared his throat, "Mr. Wagner you cannot take that home now if everyone would please settle down, I have a few questions before I make my ruling".  
  
Rogue stood back up and walked back to her spot behind the plaintiff booth.  
  
"Now, Miss Darkholme you left Rogue in the custody of a friend? Was this woman Irene ever made her legal guardian?" asked Hank, leaning back in his seat.  
  
"Errr-your honor about that." mumbled Mystique "Well you see.err-Irene was my.my.".  
  
"Friend" finished Rogue.  
  
"No."  
  
"Friend" repeated Rogue looking scared.  
  
"Rogue." sighed Mystique, rubbing her temples sorely "Irene and I.well we were lovers how you didn't figure that out I'm not sure. I mean you've seen my memories.".  
  
Rogue screamed.  
  
Kurt giggled, "Your gay!".  
  
Mystique coughed, "Yeah like your not".  
  
"I'm not" Kurt replied now, also looking scared.  
  
"Everyone lets get off of that.I doubt that the sexual orientation of anyone except Miss Darkholme herself matters. Can I see Kurt in chambers- and please leave the microphone" Hank slid out of his chair, with a thud and walked down the little staircase.  
  
Logan escorted Kurt along with Hank into the judges chambers.  
  
A camera man ran inside.  
  
"Now Kurt" Hank said softly, "What is it that you really want from Mystique?".  
  
"I just want-" sniffled Kurt "-a little house with a picket fence, a dog, maybe a cat for me, Rogue, and Mommy and her lesbian lover oh but the money would be okay too".  
  
Hank looked at the camera man, "Privacy please? This is a big emotional".  
  
"No can do sir" the camera man replied.  
  
"Kurt, I think that you should. For your own sake you need go out in the courtroom and give your mother a hug" Hank said warmly.  
  
"What if she strangles me?" asked Kurt.  
  
"That's why we have Logan" Hank replied, setting a hand on Kurt's head.  
  
Kurt bamfed the two out into the courtroom.  
  
"Mommy?" he sniffled as he approached Mystique with open arms.  
  
"Kurt-what are yeh doin'?" asked Rogue as he embraced Mystique and hugged her tightly.  
  
"Awww" the court audience cooed.  
  
"Rogue may I see you know?" asked Hank with kind eyes, ushering for her to follow him.  
  
Rogue rolled her eyes, crossing her arms on her chest and marching off after him.  
  
"Now Rogue take a seat" Hank said as he took a seat at his big desk.  
  
Rogue did as she was told.  
  
"Now Rogue, what is it you really want?" asked Hank gently.  
  
"Money" Rogue replied simply.  
  
"What about Mystique? Irene?" asked Hank with wide eyes.  
  
"Mystique ain't no mother to me, and Irene was doin' it cause she knew what I'd become" Rogue replied, she lightly tossed her hair "So Ah figure the best way for me and Kurt to heal is to roll in money. Maybe take a trip with the kind judge who helped us through these troubling times".  
  
"Rogue, return outside I shall make my verdict" sighed Hank.  
  
"Be kind' Rogue said with a wink "Should Ah hug her?".  
  
Rogue took off her jacket, showing too much skin.  
  
"No that's alright" Hank replied with a nervous chuckle.  
  
Flash to announcer outside, Bobby Drake.  
  
"So there you have it, A crummy mother, a greedy daughter, and a gay son. Come here sir-" Bobby gripped hold of Ray and pulled him out of the crowd, "Tell me sir" Bobby said loudly "What do you think?".  
  
"Err-they're mom is hot" Ray replied.  
  
"And you sir?" asked Bobby shoving Ray back and turning to another passerby.  
  
"What?" asked Tabitha who pulled the headphones off her ears.  
  
"About the case ma'am" Bobby replied.  
  
"Oh yeah, the case, umm I think that that mom is a total witch you know. And I happen to know that she has five pairs of edible underwear in her room that are totally expired" Tabitha said shortly.  
  
"I don't see what that has to do with this case" laughed Bobby.  
  
"Think about it" Tabitha replied before bouncing off.  
  
Bobby blinked, "Oookay, and now the honorable Judge Hank McCoy will make his ruling".  
  
Flashes to the courtroom, Hank is rubbing his furry hands together "Okay now I am going to order that Mystique pays the back child support to Kurt Wagner for 16 years. As far as the psychiatrist bills go, I order she pays to both her children the full amount. And I also want to appoint, 2 sessions of family counseling a week for you three and that you report back here in 4 months time. As for Mystiques counterclaim, I maintain that it was in self defense and that just because she can MORPH into a doctor does not give her the right to submit these medical bills as legal. " Hank banged his mallet.  
  
Hank looked to the Plaintiff booth, and sighed as Kurt grabbed Rogue and the microphone and bamfed off.  
  
Logan growled, "I'll chase them down and tear them apart-".  
  
"No that's quite alright, NEXT CASE!"  
  
Outside the Court, Rouge and Kurt came face to face with Bobby.  
  
"Excuse me, Rouge-Kurt, before you two Bamf off again, can I inquire about your opinions on the case?"  
  
"Well, I wish I had gotten the full amount, but I'm just glad that dyke had to pay off mah shrink bills. Its not like I paid them in the first place."  
  
"And you, Kurt?" asked Bobby.  
  
Kurt raised the Microphone to his mouth.  
  
"Well, Bobby, I am living the American dream! I sued my mother, got a bunch of money, with absolutely no guilt or remorse. And, to thank America for all that she has given me-"  
  
Kurt turned towards the Camera.  
  
"I made it through the wilderness somehow I made through didn't know how lost I was untill I found you. I would be incomplete Id be sad! Id be sad and blue! but you made me feel Yea you made me feel, Shiny and new! Like a Virgi-"  
  
"THANK YOU MR.WAGNER!" Exclaimed Bobby, nervously.  
  
Kurt blew a kiss at the camera, grabbed Rouge, and they disappeared in a puff of smoke. Bobby coughed.  
  
Mystique walked out of the Courtroom.  
  
"Mystique, How do you feel about the ruling?" asked Bobby. Mystique sniffled.  
  
"I love my children far more then myself-I just hope that GOD saves there grubby, mother suing souls - I wonder how many orphans wont eat tonight because I had to be here?" she said, tearfully.  
  
"Thank you, Mystique, you can go now."  
  
Mystique turned into her Raven form and walked outside.  
  
"That's all for this case. Next, Should custody of a animal be handed over to the Ex because she's afraid that the defendant's alternative lifestyle will adversely affect the fish? Next time on The Mutants Court."  
  
* * *  
  
Alice: Woo! That was kick ass  
  
Stevie: Finally you come up with a good idea  
  
Alice: What about Mirror? Or I am NOT Blob?  
  
Stevie: **rolls eyes** you have a lot of catching up to do  
  
Catman: Now both of you stop it, we've got to work to do!  
  
Stevie: Yay! Alice will finally pull her wait around here.  
  
Alice: Why I outta.  
  
Catman: Bye bye! See you next chapter! Kisses! 


End file.
